R Kelly – I Believe I Can Fly.

So the greatest track ever to come out of the entire continent of Africa got a big, fat ‘0 Comments’. You must all be punished. As much as I’d love to come round and spank each and every one of you, I’m a busy man so I’ll make you listen to this R Kelly dirge instead.

I Believe I Can Fly is a favourite song of motivational speakers. Quite why is beyond me. Not only does this track make we want to rip my own face off but R Kelly seems a strange role model given his habit of putting his ‘key’ in the ‘ignition’ of girls too young to drive. He even went the whole Jerry Lee Lewis and married Aaliyah when she was 15. Another favourite of the motivational types is Hero by warbling wrist-slasher Mariah ‘I don’t do stairs’ Carey. It’s enough to give you the impression that being a highly-motivated go-getter is against God and nature.

My personal philosophy is that the key to happiness is lowering your expectations. I’m going to write a song about it. It’ll be called I Believe I Can Have a Bit of a Sit Down. I don’t expect it’ll sell well.


R Kelly – I Believe I Can Fly

Buy Space Jam Soundtrack